


Facade

by Wynhaught_trash



Series: Facade series [1]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/F, TW: Self Harm, abusive/neglecting parents, beca is a supportive gem, chloe backstory, sorry lads its another sad one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-11 17:16:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13528914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wynhaught_trash/pseuds/Wynhaught_trash
Summary: Chloe has built up so many walls, tried so hard to leave her past behind her. She hides behind those big smiles that have everyone fooled. She almost fools herself with her fake happiness, almost. What happens when Chloes facade slowly starts to crack the closer she gets to Beca?orThe one where Chloe isn't the only one who has a shitty home life, and Beca's walls aren't the only ones to come crumbling down.





	1. Chloe's past

**Author's Note:**

> TW: SELF HARM AND ABUSE
> 
> Hi guys! it's been too long, i'm sorry for that! recently been obsessed with bechloe fanfiction, decided to try this out! it's most likely going to stay a one shot, let me know if you wanted more!
> 
> Also I will be continuing through my prompts, I enjoy writing all the fluff but i'm back to what I do best: angst. 
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter is mainly my Chloe's backstory! second one has plenty Bechloe interaction, but I recommend reading this one to understand how i'm writing Chloe better.

Chloe's motto in life was to 'fake it til you make it'. It was stupid and overused, she knew that. But she also knew it was easier to plaster a big smile on your face then to explain what's wrong. Things at home, well, to be frank, where shit. Are shit. Whatever. Chloe has had her facade mastered from age 6, after her parents failed to show up to yet another one of her dance recitals. Her teacher gives a sympathetic smile, laced with pity, one she has gotten used to. Little chloes only reaction was the brightest smile she could muster, cheerily telling her teacher she didn't mind. But she did. She always has. 

What nobody knows, not even Aubrey, is the reality of Chloes home life. She comes from a very wealthy family, her parents both successful big time CEO's in the business world. They often travel for days or weeks on end, leaving Chloe alone to fend for herself. They had hired a nanny when she was too young to care for herself, but by the time Chloe was 8 years old, they decided she was old enough to take care of herself. Her parents cared a lot about their public image, it being the only reason they had a child to begin with. Chloe knew this after she lost it at her father one evening. They had just come back from a weekend in San diego, just to announce they were leaving again, this time for a week. Chloe had screamed at her father, saying he was a crappy parent. Grabbing his daughter by the throat, he coldly stated he was only a parent for publicity, before throwing her roughly to the ground and leaving the house. She was only 9 years old. 

Chloe was put into any extra curricular she wanted, her parents knowing how good it would look. She joined dance and drama, where she found a love for music and singing. She was the star of almost all the productions that were put on, but yet, there was still this ache. The ache would worsen everytime she had to brave the walk home after every show on her own, watching every one of her peers leave with their parents. The ache would get almost painful when she finally reaches home, it empty and cold, barely lived in. 

But still, Chloe pushed through it all with her signature bright smile. As she grew up, things at home managed to get worse rather than better. Her parents where home more often, having less reason to fly across the state and more to stay and build their company. It sounds like something young Chloe would have died to have, but the reality was worse. Chloe would beg her parents to go to her shows and competitions, only to be turned down every time. By the time she turned 14, she knew not to ask. They didn't care. As a young teen, she was more rebellious and vocal with her parents. This was when things would get bad. Chloe knew her dad had a temper, but she truely thought that the throat grabbing incident was a once off event. She was wrong. 

She knew she shouldn't have pushed his buttons, she instantly regretted it, but she was sick of this. Sick of how she was treated. Sick of being left alone. Of not having loving parents. She screamed at him again, screamed that she hated him, hated living here, hated that they didn't care. In her haze of anger she picked up her fathers favourite bottle of scotch and launched it at the wall. The liquid covered the wall and floor, glass shattering into pieces. Everything got quiet. She went too far, yet, not far enough. Her mother paused at the doorway, eyes wide at what she witnessed. Her father stood, slowly making his way towards his daughter. Chloe whimpered at the anger that shone in his eyes, backing up against the wall behind her. The apologies tumbling out of her trembling mouth as she looks down at the ground, too terrified to look into her fathers eyes any longer. Before she has a chance to explain herself, theres a fist connecting itself with her cheek. Her head smacks into the wall at the force, and she shrieks as she feels a strong hand close around her throat, lifting her up until her feet are left dangling. Her father is screaming at her, slamming her back into the wall. She's sobbing by now, making eye contact with her mother, willing her to help. She hasn't moved from the doorway, a cold and distant look on her face as she watches the scene unfold. She's slammed into the wall enough times to leave an ache in the back of her head, before her father drops her carelessly. Chloe ran as fast as her legs took her to her room before collapsing onto her bed, sobbing into her pillow.

That's how it started, the hitting. It was only when Chloe said or did the wrong thing to upset him. She soon started hoping they would go away for longer, or never came back at all. Chloe could deal with the odd punch, kick or throat grab, it was the cold words from both of her parents that would cut deep. That they didn't love her. That she was a burden, a mistake. 

When Chloe was 16, she found herself alone with her mother for the first time in two years. The first time since her father hit her. Chloe wasn't stupid, she knew her mother was a drunk. From a young age Chloe had witnessed her mother pack a flask or two into her briefcase, she was rarely seen without a glass of wine in her hand. Being a CEO, she was her own boss, meaning no one could do anything when she would enter a meeting drunk. Her father did nothing to help break the habit, he ignored it, choosing instead to refill his wifes glass rather than take it away. That's how Chloe finds her, drunk. She was perched on the kitchen stool, glass of wine in hand, with multiple documents in front of her. Walking around to face her mother, she boldly decides to ask her about her father. She asked why she let him hit her. Why she continues to. Her mother doesn't look up from her document, seemingly disinterested in her daughters words. Chloe raises her voice, repeating her question, getting louder and louder until she was essentially screaming at her mother. Her mother growls, grabbing her wine bottle and throwing it at Chloe, all while screaming at her daughter to shut up, the latter ducking just in time to miss it hitting her, and it smashes into the fridge. She curses loudly at the mess, the red wine seeping into the wooden floors below. Turning to her daughter, the coldness into her eyes was back.

"You deserve what he gives you. You are an ungrateful brat, get out of my fucking sight!" Her mother screamed.

Chloe left the kitchen with tears in her eyes, turning to run up the stairs to her room. She falls to the floor as sobs escape from her mouth. She wills herself to stop, every sob wracking through her body jolting her still bruised ribs courtesy of her father the day before. Gripping her ribs in pain, her sobs slowly stop. A soft bout of numbness surrounds her. Getting up, she walks into her ensuite in search of something, anything to help. Standing in the middle of her bathroom, her eyes scrunch up, before zeroing in on an object sitting on the side of her bathtub. Walking over, she sits on the edge of the tub, eyes glued to her razor. Her hands began to shake, tears growing once more as she contemplates what she's about to do. Before she fully backs out of the idea, thoughts of her parents flood into her mind. Her eyes prick with fresh tears, and she hastily grabs the razor, staring at it once more before making her choice.

That was the first time she brought a razor to her skin, and was definitley not the last. Funnily enough, after she started to hurt herself, the beatings from her father lessened and lessened. It was as if he knew she would continue inflicting pain without him. When Chloe was 17 her parents had decided to branch out once again, this time in different countries throughout Europe. This meant they were gone more often, just like when she was a child. The night they left for a two week journey, Chloe had gone into their very big stash of alcohol, pulling some expensive vodka brand out, drinking it straight from the bottle. Chloe done this now, when they went away. It seems she's more like her mother than she thought. She enjoyed being drunk, it was the closest thing she could get to happiness. She would also invite boys over during these times. Sex was a good outlet, to forget about her shitty life. She never felt anything for them, never got into a relationship. She couldn't.

Chloe was popular all of highschool. She was pretty, had a good body, and was known as the nicest girl in school. She participated in the schools musical every year, always getting the lead. She was smart, and always lended a helping hand to her fellow classmates, tutoring them for free. She didn't need the money. She went to public school despite her parents wealth, she had requested, ever since kindergarten, to go to public school, not wishing to be surrounded by rich snobs. Her parents agreed easily, not that they cared anyways. She had plenty of friends, and was known for her big smile and perky attitude. Early on in her life, Chloe realised it was easier to fake it if she had an entire fake backstory. She told stories of family game nights, of building blanket forts and going camping. She spoke about her amazing christmas traditions, about cuddling at the fire. The more times she told them, the more she believed. Chloe had learnt that the more you talk and sound like an open book, the less people question you. Every morning she walks into school with a beam on her face and skip in her step. She ignored the stinging of her arms and thighs as she laughs along with her friends. She ignores the broken ribs that havent healed properly. Her facade was perfect. It truely was.

Until she went to college.

Her parents told her she could go anywhere she wanted, that they just wanted her gone and she could take any amount of money she needed, now that she was 18. She applied to every college that interested her that was out of Florida, miles and miles away from her house. She graduated as valedictorian, with multiple college offers. She was stuck between barden academy and stanford. She also got accepted into Berkley, and although barden was a worse school than the other two, it was also the furthest offer from her home. Which is how she found herself walking around campus day one, finally free from her parents. She had bought a two bedroom apartment just off campus for herself, not wishing to share a dorm with anyone. Her bedroom was sacred. It's where she could be herself, where she could breakdown. 

Ironically enough she met Aubrey at the activities fair held for all freshmans. Chloe was standing at the LGBTQ stand chatting to one of the members. It had taken her a lot of men to go through before realising she truely wasn't attracted to them, not really. She just needed an outlet, and they were there. Without any warning, she's being sent flying to the ground, a body landing on her back. 

"I'm SO sorry!!" The body exclaimed, hurriedly moving off her and helping her up. Chloe put on her brightest smile she has perfected before brushing the girl off. That girl turned out to be Aubrey, who gestured wildly to her mutiple boxes, telling Chloe about how she couldn't see over the box and had tripped up over something before barrelling into Chloe. After reassuring the girl multiple times, she wordlessly takes some of the girls load before heading towards the dorms with her. As they reached the end of the stalls they heard the most beautiful singing coming from one of them. 'Barden bellas' hung over the stall, both Aubrey and herself decided to sign up. 

Little does she know this would pave the way to greater things.

It was halfway through the year, Chloe had settled in to her classes, and made some friends. Aubrey however, was starting to become something Chloe never allowed. She started becoming her best friend. Aubrey confided in her a lot, it made Chloe feel guilty. She couldn't confide back, not anything that would be true, and Chloe was tired of lying to the girl. She deserved better. Aubrey describes Chloe as sunshine and rainbows, the happiest girl she knows. 

"Have you ever even felt sad before Chlo?" 

It was said as a joke, but Chloe felt sick. She laughed it off of course. If only Aubrey knew what she does to herself, how much of a mess her life is, how shes not so sure she wants to live. Don't get her wrong, things are better than before, she hasn't seen her parents since leaving, and doesn't intend to. Yet somehow that numbness and self loathing that has followed Chloe around most her life has stuck. She doesn't know why she thought moving away would stop that. Depressed? Suicidal? Anxious? that's what pops up when she searches up on Google. Maybe that's right. 

Christmas had been rough, it always was. Chloe has never celebrated it, her parents dismissed santa claus when she was 3 years old, telling her that her nanny was lying. She never got presents, her house was never decorated. The music pissed her off, why are they so happy? Being in college doesn't help with that either. Most people go home for it, are excited to. She listened to Aubrey babble on and on about her big christmas celebration. About how her dad was home from the army and would finally be able to celebrate like old times. Chloes heart broke, but she listened anyways. She always does. She felt empty, detached. When asked her plans, she lied, stating with a bright grin that she couldn't wait to go home for the big Beale christmas. In reality, she stayed in her apartment, sobbing in her bed, or drinking heavily. 

Aubrey surprised her the day she was leaving, showing up at her door, shoving a wrapped gift her way the minute she opened the door. She was shocked. This was the first present she ever got. Sure she had friends growing up, but she held them at arms length. They were merely around her during school and that was it, always declining sleepovers or group outings. She declined a lot, having never even been on a date. She never wanted to get close to anyone, it wasn't fair to them to be burdened with her. But Aubrey slipped through, even though she has yet to even dint her wall. She didn't get Aubrey anything, never even thinking she would recieve one herself. She apologises profusely, tears building in her eyes. She knows Aubrey wouldn't hurt her, not physically, but years of abuse has her body trained a certain way. Aubrey jumped to comfort her, telling her that it was okay, that she should've asked if they were exchanging gifts. Chloe willed her heart to slow, only slightly confused that Aubrey wasn't mad at her. Aubrey leaves shortly after, needing to get on the road if she was going to make it home in time. 

Chloe was angry, angry that she thought Aubrey would hit her, logically she knew she wouldn't, but she coudln't help the knee jerk reaction. She was angry at herself for showing that side of her, Aubrey looked so concerned. She slowly opened her gift, savouring the moment. Aubrey had gotten her a copy of Wall-e, remembering her say it was her favourite movie. She knows it's a kid movie, but when it came out young Chloe really related to wall-e, all alone on planet earth. She also got her a framed photo of the two of them. It was taken right after their first competition with the Bellas, they had won that round and where through to the final, they were both clinging to one another with massive grins on their face. Chloe remembers that day fondly, she is also smiling a real smile in this photo. She almost didn't recognise herself, so used to the fake ones she's been sporting. She hugs the frame close to her chest, her heart begins to ache. She never even thought about getting Aubrey a gift. God she's such a shit friend. 

 

At the start of their third year, Aubrey had still yet to learn of Chloe's home life. Everything is still the same. It's now three years since seeing or speaking to her parents, so why does she still feel so numb? Their captain, Alice, was constantly getting at Chloe for every little thing. Chloe wished to snap, wished to yell and put that bitch in her place, but she knew better. She still couldn't help feeling that she would be hurt if she did. So she became a push over, invisable in the back, even though she knew she could shine in the front. Aubrey was returning late to college, two weeks to be exact. She shows up frantically to Chloes apartment not long after coming back to Barden, telling Chloe they messed up her arrangement and they have no beds left. She was panicking and pacing, saying how she can't afford any off site apartments. Without thinking, Chloe offers her her extra room, and after some talking about details, Aubrey was bringing in all her boxes. Chloe tried not to panic, her best friend needed help, she knew it was the right decision, so why did she feel like she couldn't breathe?

She had to hide her razors and other little secrets, she spent most her time in her room, thankful that Aubrey was quite independant and enjoyed her alone time just as much. She hadn't felt the need to hurt herself recently, she could barely get out of bed. Aubrey was picking up on certain things, how quiet she seemed at home, how she would lock herself in her room. Chloe merely shrugged with a grin, brightly stating that even she needed to recharge every night. Aubrey seemed to buy it, but she is a smart girl. 

After the puking incident, Chloe was left to deal with the mess that was Aubrey. They argued a lot. Chloe tried her best to comfort her, but it was no use. Chloe was also known for her affectionate nature, truthfully that was down to the lack of affection she recieved at home. She almost craved it from people. Cuddling made her feel better, every light touch or hug made her forget about her shitty life for a few seconds. So yeah maybe she could be a bit overbearing when it came to physical affection, she couldn't help it. It was only when Aubrey shoved her away that she froze. It wasn't a neccasarily hard shove, but it was enough to trigger some horrible memories, she runs into her room and slams the door, hyperventilating. Aubrey didn't follow. She was probably too upset to notice. Chloe locks her door, before falling onto her bed, shoving her face into her pillow to quieten her sobs. 

She relapsed that night.

It's her fourth year, begrudgingly her last. She spent the summer alone in her apartment, drinking vodka and eating junk food. She supposes she should be glad to have a fast metabolism. She was instated as captain, well, co-captain of the bellas before the last semester finished. Things with Aubrey are wierd. She never apologised for that night, even though Chloe was not at fault for her puking her guts up. She was still her best friend, sure, but hasn't spoken to her since she left for the summer. Aubrey tried to call once, but Chloe let it ring.

It was the activities fair day, she rolls out of bed at 6.30 am, wide awake, having barely slept the night before. She covers up her dark eyes before leaving, ready to set up the stall in a good spot for the incoming freshmans. She was wearing a short sleeved dress, the first one she's worn in public in years. Aubrey had grown used to her wearing long sleeved everything, Chloe covered it up with a joke as usual, stating she was always a lot colder then everyone else. Now though, Chloe was tired of almost getting heat stroke most days. She stopped hurting herself on her arms before summer, any scars she had where faded and white, barely noticeable unless you stared close enough. She worse loose gold bracelets, just incase. She wore short shorts under her dress, paranoid her dress will blow up to show off her fresh scars. 

Aubrey showed up at about 11am, two coffees in hand. There weren't many freshmans around yet, meaning they could sit behind the stall and relax. Awakwardly shuffling to the stall, she watched Chloe for a moment. Her friend was staring into the distance, eyes glazed over. What shocked her more though, was that she was actually wearing something short sleeved for once. She can't remember the last time she saw her best friend in something like that. 

"Do my eyes decieve me or is my best friend actually warm for once?" she states in an amused but surprised tone.

Chloe jumps slightly before looking up at Aubrey with wide eyes, a smile slowly growing on her face. Standing up she rounded the table to hug her tightly, a squeal leaving her mouth. Aubrey was quick to put the cups down as she watched her best friend stand. They laughed to one another before searching each others eyes. It was explained everything for them. I'm sorry. I missed you. I love you. Aubrey handed Chloe a coffee, before rounding the table to sit down.

It was hours later that Chloes life really did change. 

Hours later that she met Beca mitchell.


	2. Crumbling walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the start of Beca's second year and, well, Chloe's fifth. Beca has wedged herself into Chloes life and the pair are inseperable. Chloe's been here before with Aubrey, so why is it so hard to keep her facade up this time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This version of Beca will be free of any big angst. She's still sarcastic and full of snark, and from divorced parents, but she's doing just fine, much like the Beca we know from the movies! 
> 
> She's a supportive little dork who is the first to notice something is off with Chloe, is the first one to bother looking close enough.
> 
> (No hate to Aubrey, but I really disliked her treatment of Chloe in the first movie)

It was Becas second year at barden, and, well, Chloes fifth. She hadn't failed on purpose, but it was a plus getting to stay with the bellas for another year. She failed Russian lit, one of her favourite classes. Although she told the bellas some half hearted excuse, the real reason was due to her missing the end of year exam. She spent the weekend before in her apartment off sight drinking. They all lived in the Bella house at that point, but Chloe needed space, space from Aubrey, space to breathe, to break. She told everyone she was spending the weekend there to study, little did they know the real reason. Nobody has been in the apartment except for Chloe since they moved into the Bella house. After Aubrey graduated, Chloe had requested her key back, meaning that she now had the place back to herself. After binge drinking for the weekend, Chloe completely missed her exam the following Monday morning, too hungover to move. She barely cared.

Her and Beca became inseparable into her second year of knowing her. Beca was different. Different from Aubrey, from anyone she's ever met. She would catch her staring, almost examining Chloe. It was like she could see right through her act, and it terrified her. Terrified her, because for once she finds herself almost hoping Beca will figure it out, and she doesn't know how to feel about that. 

They're only a few weeks into the year, Chloe walks through the door of the Bellas house to be met with a quieter house then usual. Sighing in relief, Chloe makes her way to the stairs to start her trek to her room. She's had a pretty shitty day, and wants nothing more to fall into bed and never leave. As she passes the living room however, she hears the soft hum of the TV. Poking her head in, her eyes fall onto Beca, who's sitting on the couch, popcorn bowl in hand, completely engrossed in an episode of black mirror. Although her bed sounds great, cuddling with Beca sounded even better. The younger girl would deny it, but she loved the cuddles just as much. 

Leaning on the door frame, Chloe is content on watching the nerd that is her best friend. Beca brings a handful of popcorn to her mouth, eyes never leaving the TV, only to completely miss her mouth, sending popcorn down onto her chest. Chloe can't help the soft giggle that escapes her mouth at the sight, alerting Beca to her presence. Eyes widening slightly before breaking out into a wide grin, Beca waves Chloe over with one hand while the other wipes the popcorn off of her shirt. 

"That's a waste of good popcorn" Chloe playfully scolded, walking up to Beca and plopping down beside her.

"Shut up nerd my shows on" Beca responds with an eye roll, trying but failing to stop another grin making its way on her face.

Chloe just sits there, examining Becas face for a minute, before cuddling into her side, face nuzzled into her neck. Beca silently wraps an arm around her, holding her there. Beca would be lying if she said she didn't notice some things where off with Chloe. Don't get her wrong, she does think Chloe is the most cheery, cuddly girl she's ever met, but she sees her face when she thinks no one is looking. It's hard not to notice the growing pile of expensive bottles of alcohol she knows the other girls couldn't afford, leaving Chloe as the only option left. She knew the redhead loved to party, so initially just put it down to her supplying alcohol for everyone. 

She only just recently started to think that maybe it was a problem completely by accident. She spent the night in Chloes room, they stayed up binge watching friends on her laptop, cuddled together under the covers. They did this a lot, it didn't even feel weird to Beca any more. Chloe was the first to fall asleep, head on Becas chest and arm securely around her waist. Beca was exhausted and didn't care much for moving, so after placing her laptop on the table next to the bed, she cuddled down into her best friend. The next morning she woke up to an empty bed, Chloe learned early on not to wake Beca too early. Still half asleep, Beca rolled a little too far in the bed, rolling completely off, landing on the floor with a thud. Letting out a pitiful groan, Beca began to rise before something caught her eye under Chloes bed. Leaning her head in further, her eyes widen at the sheer amount of empty (and some full) bottles of vodka or whiskey that where piled on the floor. 

Beca never said anything. She knew she probably should have, but she never knew how to bring it up, there could have been a simple explanation. She didn't even know how long they were there, or the space between when they were consumed. Sitting here now, cuddled on the couch, she notes that Chloe is a lot quieter then her usual bubbly self. She would normally burst through the door, and upon seeing any of the bellas would enthusiastically talk about her day, and ask multiple question about theirs. This time she's silent, content in just cuddling and watching TV. Although, with the angle of Chloes face into Becas neck, she's certain she can't even see the screen. 

"Hey Chlo, you alright?" 

Chloe freezes, tensing up at the question. This is new, instead of her automatic response, she finds herself actually considering talking to Beca, really talking. 

"I'm okay, I, uh, It was just a long day" Chloe stutters after a moment of silence. It's the closest she's ever gotten to the truth. 

Beca doesn't quite believe it, but after feeling Chloe tense she knows better than to push. She just tightens her grip slightly, and after a moment of hesitation, presses a soft kiss to Chloes temple. She feels Chloe relax almost instantly, snuggling impossibly closer. Beca was unsure about a lot of things in life, but she knew one thing.

She was in love with Chloe Beale.

It was a couple weeks later, and Chloe was trying extra hard to keep up her bright, bubbly persona, kicking herself for that moment with Beca. She's angry at herself for continuing to let Beca stay close. Beca was starting to chip away at her walls. This is why she didn't let people close. Aubrey she, she loved Aubrey, but one of the main reasons she kept her close was the major fact that she never asked her anything personal. It's not that Aubrey didn't love or care for her, it's just that she completely bought into Chloes lies, and never questioned them. Beca though, Beca questioned everything. Questioned every story, every lie. It's not that Beca thought she was lying, Chloe was just convinced that she knew there was more to the story. Beca actually cared enough to look passed her smiles, and that was fucking terrifying. 

Chloe's never had a crush before, never been in love before, this is completely knew to her. She couldn't be with Beca, even if the girl felt the same, though she's certain she doesn't even like girls. Beca was too good, and Chloe, well, she wasn't. She couldn't be with her knowing everything Beca knew about her past was a lie. It's not even like Chloe didn't have any chances to tell her. Beca had opened up months ago about her home situation, had even cried, and Chloe sat there, heart breaking for her friend, holding her close until she calmed down. It was the perfect time, all she had to say was 'hey? my home life is shit too' but no. Chloe kept quiet, too much of a coward to speak.

Things where honestly better after meeting Beca. She smiled and laughed more, real ones, which was new. She felt safe in Becas arms, she loved being in her company. The bellas constantly joked about them being married already, and for once it made Chloes heart happy. But yet, the nights she spent alone, holidays where even Beca went home to be with family, the darkness was there, calling to her. She still wasn't too sure if she wanted to live any more, she doesn't think she ever has. It's been 5 years since she had any contact with her parents, yet their words still affect her like they were said yesterday. She hates them, hates what they've made her become. Sometimes she wishes her father would have just killed her, sometimes she wishes she was never born, and on the darkest of days, sometimes she wishes she would just kill herself. 

She still hasn't touched her arms since the summer before meeting Beca, deciding if Beca was that perceptive with her fake smiles, she would surely pick up on Chloe never showing off her arms. It was hard not to, and her thighs were a complete wreck. She hated looking at them as she changes, she's completely on edge every time she wears shorts around the Bellas, terrified of them riding up to high and her secrets being exposed. She hated living like this, she finds herself for the first time actually wanting to tell someone, she knew she could trust the bellas, trust Beca. However, any time she went to speak, no sound would come out, she knew what she would say would ruin everything for the Bellas, and she couldn't do that to them.

The bellas are having a party tonight, per Stacie’s request, it's the same girl knocking her out of her thoughts, requesting help to set out all the alcohol. The party is in full swing, Chloe is more than halfway through her bottle of vodka, not bothering with a mixer, she never did. She lies back on the couch, enjoying the warm feeling the alcohol is giving her. Beca plops heavily down beside her, eyes glazed from alcohol and a big drunken grin on her face as she throws an arm around Chloe. 

"Having a good time red?" she asks drunkenly.

"I am now" Chloe responds, throwing a wink in at the end. 

Becas face flushes slightly before raising her hand from Chloes shoulder to softly run through the redheads hair. Chloe rests her head on Becas shoulder, enjoying the affection she normally only gets when Beca is drunk. The stay like that for awhile, watching everyone go passed, occasionally commenting on a party goer. Chloe would only move her head slightly in order to drink from her bottle, other than that, she stays glued to Becas side, not that she minded one bit. Beca was pretty wasted by now, she was was still stroking her fingers through Chloes hair, a question on her tongue.

"Why do you like hugs and stuff so much?" Beca wonders aloud. 

"Huh?" Was the only response from Chloe, moving her head off of her friends shoulder to look at her curiously.

"I mean, there's nothing wrong with that, that's not- I just mean, lots of people like hugs right? but you just, you REALLY like them, is all" Beca stumbles.

"Oh, I’m sorry, I can be overbearing" Chloe responds, instantly moving off of Beca.

"NO!" Beca shouts louder than necessary, gently pulling Chloe back. "I like it, it's okay, I was just wondering if there’s a reason" she continues, flushing slightly at her admittance.

Chloe stared into her best friends eyes. Concern, curiosity and...... adoration? shone in them, no judgement. She can't stop the way her eyes flicker down to her lips, before quickly jolting back up to her eyes once more. Beca shifts to face her, before Chloe sees she's slowly leaning in. Her heart leaps to her throat. This is all she has wanted, ever since she admitted to herself that she had feelings for the younger girl. But they couldn't. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Especially when they're both drunk. Chloe brings her hand up to halt her friends movements, a soft hand placed onto Becas cheek. Maybe it was because she was drunk, maybe it was because it was Beca. But Chloe made a decision. She decided to do something she has never done. 

She told the truth.

"My parents never hugged me" She says lowly, almost a whisper. This halts Becas movements, head tilting slightly, a questioning gaze in her eyes. Chloe took a deep breathe.

"Growing up. They never hugged me, never cuddled with me. I never got that. When I got older and realised I could get it from others, I, I never wanted to stop" Chloe admits, tears pricking her eyes in relief. She realised how GOOD it felt to confide something with someone. She ignored the guilt rising in her stomach, for now.

"But Chloe, you always say how awesome your dads bear hugs are" Beca asks, clearly confused, staring at Chloe as if that alone could piece all the pieces together.

"I say a lot of things" Chloe states in an emotionless tone, hand dropping from Becas face. 

Grabbing her bottle, Chloe stands, turning to retreat to her room, barely hearing Becas pleas to stay. Pleas to talk to her. She slams her door, before sitting on her bed. She opens the bottle, still about half empty, and begins to down it. She finished it quicker than she would like to admit, and throws the bottle at her wall, knowing the music was blasting too loudly downstairs for anyone to hear. She stumbles to her feet, vision blurry at the amount of alcohol rushing into her system. Staring at the broken glass, tears fill her eyes as she realises what she has just done. She feels dizzy, her stomach feels like a tsunami set off in it. Falling to the ground roughly as a big bout of dizziness hits her, she finally allows the tears to fall. 

She's crying so hard she doesn't hear the knock on her door, she doesn't hear Beca gasp when she hears sobs coming from the room. She doesn't realise she isn't alone until Beca is in front of her, cooing at her, gently taking her into her arms. Chloe only cried harder, attempting weakly to escape the other girls grasp. Just as she was slowly calming down, her eyes snap open as a wave of nausea hits her like a train. 

"Beca I- Beca I’m gonna be... Beca I" She could only muster, hand coming up to her mouth. 

Beca let go of her quickly, racing to grab her mini trash can before making it just on time. Rubbing the puking redheads back as she puked, Beca took the chance to glance around the room. She notices straight away the broken pieces of glass, swell as a tiny wet spot on the wall. Beca was terrified, she has never seen Chloe cry before, let alone sob like she had witnessed earlier. Guilt enters her system as she truly realises something has been going on with her best friend, and she had no idea. Truthfully, Beca had noticed some of Chloes smiles seemed off, she honestly thought it was stress of being in her final year, or that she maybe broke up with a boyfriend. As Beca thinks of it though, she doesn't remember Chloe ever seeing anyone, she was unusually quiet the night the bellas shared terrible date stories, or even anything embarrassing about their ex's.

When Chloe seemed to finish, Beca helped her over to the bed, leaning down to remove her jeans so she could sleep more comfortably. What she wasn't expecting was Chloes hand latching onto hers in a death grip, telling her to stop. Beca obliged, not wishing to upset the girl, before turning to clean up the glass and get rid of the sick filled trash can.

"Please don't leave me" Chloe utters in the smallest voice Beca has ever heard. 

"I was only gonna clean up the floor sweetheart, I’m right here" Beca doesn't know where the pet name came from, but right now she didn't care. 

Chloe's expression never changes, so Beca decides that the cleaning can wait until tomorrow. Tearing off her own pair of jeans, Beca climbs in beside Chloe, the latter immediately curls into Beca, head snuggled into her chest. Beca securely wraps both arms around the other girl, and sleep quickly takes them both.

Two weeks have passed since that day. Chloe has yet to talk about it, constantly changing the topic whenever Beca tried bringing it up. Her bright bubbly persona is back in full swing, however Beca has noticed the ginger has recently stopped drinking at any party, probably trying to avoid a repeat incident. Beca was mad. Mad that Chloe won't just tell her what's going on, mad at herself for not being a better friend. She calls Aubrey, asking her if she noticed anything was wrong, asking what she knew of the other girls past. All Aubrey did was repeat stories Beca has already heard, seemingly believing all of them. If she lied about the hugging what else is a lie? She asked Aubrey if maybe Chloe was having trouble with a boyfriend. Aubrey’s only response was a long, loud laugh. When the laughter calmed down, she told Beca the one thing she's been hoping to hear.

Chloe was gay.

G A Y

She was gay.

Openly so, apparently.

Damn, Beca was oblivious.

 

It was coming up to the big annual treble party, a big hit on campus for every student. It used to be accapella only, but after a bunch of jocks had crashed and spread word of an awesome rager, the party became known as the best party of the year. After that, they decided to open their doors, those from accapella groups got in free, the others, had to pay. The trebles are currently making a fortune off of it. Chloe didn't want to go, she wanted to just stay in bed and rot, but she knew if she didn't then Beca wouldn't and they would have to talk. Or, well, Beca would try.

All the bellas show up together, it only being a 10 minute walk from their own house. Chloe grimaced at the smell of beer and sweat that stunk the entire house up as they entered. Chloe declined Becas offer of a drink, she wanted it, god how she wanted it, but she knew she would spill her heart and soul out if she did, and she thinks Beca knows that too. After a half an hour of chatting and dancing with the bellas, Chloe gets up to leave the room, stating she needed to go to the toilet. Instead of going however, she walked outside, needing some air, some space. Taking a deep breathe, she looks up to the sky, as if trying to force the bad thoughts away. The ground crunches next to her and she turns quickly, expecting Beca, instead it was just a guy from her lit class, Tom she thinks. He had been trying to get into her pants from the day he met her last year. He stumbles drunkenly up to her, grinning bashfully. She tries ignoring him, willing him to take a hint for once and leave. Instead he leans in closer, asking if she wanted to go upstairs with him. Rolling her eyes in true Beca fashion, she turns him down straight away. He leans in even further to Chloes space, angrily asking her why she wouldn't fuck him. 

 

"I'm gay Tom, please leave me alone" she states, getting the very clear point across, before stepping back slightly, further away from him.

She turns to leave, not wishing to be anywhere near him any more. Before she can leave however, she feels a strong hand grab her arm tightly, begging her to stay. She tried to shrug him off, but he proved too strong. He pulls her back roughly, she shoves him, his hand finally dropping from her throbbing her arm. Angry eyes glare back at her, as he stomps towards her, Chloes eyes widen in terror, recognising that look, backing up to the wall. Why the fuck was everyone inside? was the only coherent thought Chloe had before his hands were on her. Unwanted wandering hands went everywhere, her sides, her thighs, her stomach, it was when he reached her chest before she screamed out, shoving him with all the strength she had. It only served to make him angrier, before he is back in her space, grabbing her throat before smashing his lips to hers. Hot tears ran down Chloes face, flashbacks of her father clear in her mind. Realising her legs aren't pinned, she brings her knee up, connecting straight to his groin. He fell backwards towards the ground with a pained grunt.

Chloe doesn't even think before she's running, running far far away. She's still sobbing by the time she makes it back to the empty Bella house. As if on autopilot, she runs to her room, pulling out her razor from her secret spot, before turning and heading to the bathroom closest to her room. Locking the door, she falls down to the floor as loud sobs wrack through her body. She doesn't know how long she stayed lying on the floor, curled up in a ball, clutching the razor tight in her hand. All she knows is that she doesn't want to feel this way any more. She doesn't want to keep going like this. She was so so tired. 

*Meanwhile*

Chloe had been gone awhile, Beca knows there could just be a long line to the bathroom, but she's still worried. She saw how Chloe was close to cracking. Excusing herself, she goes to check both bathrooms in the house. Finding them both empty, Beca panicked. Running back down to the bellas, she enlists their help to find her. Seeing how worried Beca looked, they all got up quickly, knowing it must be serious. Splitting up, Beca, CR and fat Amy decided to check outside. Walking out they only see one guy, sitting down next to the wall, was he holding his.... crotch? gross. 

"Hey, do you know Chloe Beale? have you seen her anywhere?" Beca asks, approaching the noticeably angry guy. 

"The fucking dyke? yeah I know her, kissed her and she fucking kicked me in the balls and runs off, who does that?" he spits, looking at them to back him up.

Anger filled Becas eyes at what she heard, Chloe is not a violent person, he must have been forcing himself on her. Wordlessly she looks to CR and fat Amy, both nodded silently, anger in their own eyes. Beca left them with the guy, watching briefly as they surround him while cracking their knuckles. She heads to the Bella house, the only logical place she can think Chloe would run to, it being the closest. Heart hammering in her chest, Beca picks up her pace, a feeling of dread setting within her. She felt like something was very, very wrong.

*Back at the Bella house*  
(Please be warned the following content does contain more in detail content of self harm/suicide/blood, if you want to skip, there will be another note in brackets telling you when its finished.)

Chloe drags herself towards the wall near the door, her sobs haven't stopped, she doesn't know if they ever will. She grips the razor tighter, angry tears fall as she thinks of her parents, knowing they wouldn't give a shit that she done this, they'd probably be relieved. She hates how they fucked her up, she hates that they didn't love her, she hates that she decided to pretend to be okay in the first place, she hates how she knows she's going to hurt Beca, and even more so, she hates herself for not caring more about that fact. A sense of calm washes over her as she rolls her sleeve up, staring blankly at her old scars. All she hears is her parents cold words, telling her to do it. 

Pressing the razor in lightly, making her first line, before making multiple deeper, horizontal cuts. She watches in sick amazement all of the dripping from her arm to the floor. Tears are still falling freely from her eyes, but she hardly notices them. Bringing the razor to her skin once, she makes a vertical up through her horizontal ones. Dropping the razor, she looks around, sobbing loudly at the realisation that her friends would have to find her, would have clean the blood. She sobs louder, Blood still oozing from her arm. That's when she hears it, a knock. A voice.

Becas voice.

Oh god oh god oh god oh god

"Chloe please answer me, are you okay?? let me in please" her voice was frantic, one hand banging on the door, the other desperately trying to open the door.

Beca could hear Chloes loud sobs, making her panic even more. She steps back before running up and slamming her weight through her shoulder into the door, it doesn't work, but she keeps trying again and again, shoulder be damned. She eventually breaks it down, before running to Chloe. The redhead was sobbing, curled away from Beca, left arm clutched to her chest. Beca glances down and horror fills her mind as she sees the bloody razor, before spotting the rather large puddle of blood on the floor.

"Please Chloe, please show me, let me help you, sweetheart give me your arm" Beca begged, eyes filling with tears. 

Chloe finally makes eye contact with her, slowly allowing her to see what she has done. Tears flow silently down Becas face as she sees the damage that is done. Her heart breaks even more if possible, after seeing some old scars there too. It was bleeding badly, Chloe was apologising over and over, voice strained and tired. Beca quickly grabs a towel holding it over Chloes arm, applying pressure. Her hands and part of her arms where covered in Chloes blood. With one hand she reaches into her pocket to get her phone, calling for an ambulance. After doing that, she wraps her arm around the redhead, repeating one sentence over and over

I love you I love you I love you I love you

( graphic content finished guys!)

They both sobbed into each others arms as the ambulance came, Beca riding along, texting Aubrey and Stacie that Chloe was in the hospital and to meet her there. She knew Stacie would pass on the message. Beca felt numb as she sat in the waiting room, Chloe had lost consciousness in the ambulance, meaning she was quickly wheeled off and out of Becas sight. She hadn't told the girl what happened, not yet, she just hopes no one heads home first and sees the bathroom. Aubrey was about two hours away, so it was no surprise that the bellas showed up first, each one gasping, running towards their captain upon seeing her. It was only then that Beca remembered how she looked, covered in Chloes blood. The bellas crowded her, asking if she was okay, asking what happened.

"Chloe tried to kill herself" Beca said softly before letting out a loud sob.

Stacie immediately sat beside Beca, taking the sobbing girl into her arms, tears of her own falling. The bellas where shocked to say the least, Chloe was the last person on earth they ever thought would hurt herself. Most of the bellas where openly crying, no one spoke. Fat Amy didn't cry, but she had tears in her eyes, sitting on the other side of Beca, gripping her captains hand. The others where sitting in the seats near one another, holding each other in some way, all except for CR, who silently paced in front of them, angry tears falling. Each girl felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for not seeing anything, but none compare to what Beca felt. 

They were still waiting on any news by the time Aubrey ran in, face red and puffy from crying. She pauses when she sees the bellas. Beca lifts her head from Stacie’s shoulder, standing to walk in front of the ex captain. The stared at one another for what felt like ever before Aubrey brings her into a crushing hug. Beca cries softly into Aubrey’s shoulder, willing herself to tell her what had happened. Before she can, Aubrey’s shaky voice beats her to it.

"I know. I'm her emergency contact, I know." She says quietly, but loud enough for most of the bellas to hear.

Not to long later, and a doctor approaches them, telling them that Chloe is fine, that she needed stitches and some extra blood. She was okay. One person could go in at a time, they all agreed it would be Beca. Walking in, she notices how small Chloe looks, lying there on the hospital bed. Sitting beside her, Beca softly takes her hand. It couldn't be more than a few minutes before Chloe is stirring awake, blinking slowly, before everything flood back. Looking at Beca, she can't stop the tears that fall out of her eyes, apologises tumble out of her mouth once more, but Beca gently shushes her. Leaning over, she wipes the redheads tears away, ignoring her own building in her eyes. 

"Please don't do that again, please I, god Chloe I love you so much" Beca says desperately, hand still in Chloes. 

"I love you too, I'm so sorry Becs" Chloe replies softly, bringing her hand up to gently stroke becas cheek.

"I'm ready to, I’m ready to tell you" she continues.

"Tell me what Chlo?"

"Everything."

 

It's three weeks since Chloe tried to kill herself, she had to stay on 72hrs suicide watch, before being allowed go back to the bellas house. In those three weeks, she opened up about everything to the bellas, well, the big things, she savoured the small things, her thoughts and feelings, just for Beca. It's also been three weeks since they confessed their love for one another, however have yet to act on it yet. Chloe loved the support everyone was giving her, but she was sick of people threading on eggshells around her. It lessened a lot, but she clearly knew Beca was holding back for fear of overwhelming her. She knew what she would have to do, she simply needed to get Beca alone, and kiss her. Proved difficult when group activities changed to nightly arrangements, again, Chloe loved them so much, but she really, really just wanted to make out with a very hot DJ.

Tonight was movie night, but Chloe was on her last strand of patience. Sitting beside Beca, she cuddled into her as usual, with Beca kissing her temple. As the movie continued, Chloe decided to have some fun. Slowly, she slid her hand from her lap to Becas thigh, feeling the younger girl tense. Smirking, she slowly ran her hand from becas knee, all the up to her hip bone, and back again. She then gently grabbed a hold of the knee closest to her, pulling it towards her, before bringing her hand to be in between the space she opened for herself. Keeping her hand on the inside of the girls thighs, she slowly drags her hand up, before bringing it back down again. Beca was full on squirming by now, cursing under her breathe. Chuckling slightly, Chloe turn her head further into Becas neck, and begins to nip and suck at the skin there. Bringing her hand up to stop Chloe, for a split second Chloe thought she had red the whole situation wrong before-

"That's it. Everyone out." Beca orders as she stands. "Now. I’m not joking go." she continues after she sees they aren't moving.

After they scamper out, not wishing to face their captains rage, Beca turns to stare at Chloe, still seated on the couch. Before she knew it, Beca was gently sitting in her lap, straddling her. Wrapping her arms around the redheads neck, she leans in and kisses the girl deeply. Chloes hands go straight to Becas ass, squeezing gently. They continued their heated make out and wandering hands before Chloe stopped it.

"I wanna do this, god do I, I just- I need to show you something first" Chloe says nervously.

Chloe pulls Beca to her room, before nervously standing in front of her. Becas eyes widen as she watches Chloe begin to strip. First taking off the long sleeved tshirt she was wearing, making her still bandaged arm noticeable. Chloe hesitated at her jeans. She's never shown anyone her scars, whenever she would sleep with people she would ensure the room was pitch black before stripping. But here she was, stripping in broad daylight, because Beca was different. Is different. Slowly she takes off her jeans, and watches as Becas eyes widen, a small gasp escapes her mouth as she sees her scar littered thighs, ranging from pink to white. 

"I've uh, I’ve never shown anyone before" Chloe says in a frightened tone, eyes downcast. 

Beca kneels in front of her, gently taking chloes hands until she made eye contact with her. Once she did, all she could see was love in Becas eyes. Beca leans in, softly kissing each thigh, before kissing over Chloes bandaged arm every so gently. Standing up, Beca gently takes Chloes face in her hands.

"I love you " she says so softly, so lovingly.

"I love you too"

That night was one of the best nights of Chloes life. Lying there in her bed, their bed, facing one another, arms wrapped loosely around one another, Chloe found herself smiling, really truly smiling. She loved this woman, so much that her heart ached, but in a good way. Leaning in slightly, they were lying that close she barely had to move, she rubs her nose gently against Becas, giving her an Eskimo kiss, absolutely delighted in the giggle she was greeted with. Her expression must have changed, as Beca looks at her questioningly, hand coming up to brush Chloes baby hairs from her forehead in silent question.

"I just, I lived my whole life believing what my parents told me. Believing I deserved what my dad did, Believing I was a mistake. But you, god Becs, you come tumbling into my life and now? now I’m finally starting to believe that maybe they aren't right after all, maybe I am good enough. That's all because of you, god I love you." Chloe finished, slightly emotional.

"You are Chlo. You are good enough, and they're so wrong about you. You, you deserve the world. I hope I can give that to you someday" Beca responds softly.

 

 

"You already have."

 

fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking of using this version of Chloe in different stories, taking this exact backstory but taking the plot elsewhere, what do you guys think? maybe Chloes first ever date?? 
> 
> any Bechloe prompts are welcome
> 
> ** For anyone wondering, the shower scene never happened in this!!! Chloe has noticeable scars, and wouldn't of run into her stall***

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!! Bechloe prompts are always welcome!
> 
> Lemme know what you think!


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